from the heart

title-5389361

by bjaypee @ 16. Jan 2009 – 15:46:15

The liquid inside young coconuts
can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.

****************

No piece of paper can be folded in half

more than seven (7) times.

****************

Donkeys kill more people annually

than plane crashes.

****************

You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

******************

Oak trees do not produce acorns

until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

****************
The first product to have a bar code

was Wrigley's gum.

****************

The King of Hearts is the only king

WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

****************

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987
by eliminating one (1) olive

from each salad served in first-class.

****************

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

(Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)

***************

Apples, not caffeine,

are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

***************

Most dust particles in your house are made from

DEAD SKIN!

****************

The first owner of the Marlboro Company
died of lung cancer.

So did the first ' Marlboro Man. '

****************

Walt Disney was afraid

OF MICE!

****************

PEARLS MELT

IN VINEGAR!

*****************

The three most valuable brand names on earth:

Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

**************

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

but, not downstairs.

****************

A duck's quack doesn't echo,

and no one knows why.

****************

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush
be kept at least six (6) feet away from
a toilet to avoid airborne particles
resulting from the flush.

(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

Richard Millhouse Nixon

was the first U.S. president
whose name contains all the letters
from the word 'criminal.'
The second ?
William Jefferson Clinton

(Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

*************

And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

" Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of 'Lambeau Field'. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes and right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "some guys think I'm bluffing."

from fwd circuit

Heart Attacks and Drinking Warm Water

by bjaypee @ 07. Jan 2009 – 01:51:03

Recd as a fwd email from a friend

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about

Heart Attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting . Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line .
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.

Some more FWD jokes

by bjaypee @ 07. Jan 2009 – 01:41:12

BRA....G

A Jewish man walked into the Lingerie Department of Macy¹s in New York.

He tells the saleslady, 'I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size, 34B.'

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, 'What kind of bra?'

He repeated, 'A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish
bra, and that you would know what she wanted.'

'Ah, now I remember,' said the saleslady. 'We don't get as many requests
for those as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra,
or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra.'

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked 'So, what are the
differences?'

The sales lady responded. 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic bra
supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the
Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright.'

He mused on that information for a minute and said,

' Hmm. I know I¹ll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?'

'Ah, the Jewish bra,' she replied ³makes mountains out of molehills.'

Which PARTY are you from ?

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too
many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know
how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the
brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand
up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

The He smiled and said

"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".

BARRI....STAR

Barrister: What is your date of birth?
Plaintiff: July 15th
Barrister: What year?
Plaintiff: Every year

----

Barrister: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Plaintiff: Er, Gucci and Reeboks

----

Barrister: This myasthemia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Plaintiff: Yes
Barrister: And in what way does it affect your memory?
Plaintiff: I forget
Barrister: You forget. Can you give me another example of something you've forgotten?

----

Barrister: What was the first thing your husband said to you when you woke up on the morning in question?
Plaintiff: He said "where am I Cathy?"
Barrister: And why did that upset you?
Plaintiff: My name is Susan

----

Barrister: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: Did you check for blood pressure?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: Did you check for breathing?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: So is it possible that the patient was alive when you performed the autopsy?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: How can you be so sure doctor?
Plaintiff: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk
Barrister: But the patient could have still been alive nevertheless?
Plaintiff: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere

Brain Teasers

by bjaypee @ 29. Dec 2008 – 16:01:45

This is a REAL neurological test. Be seated comfortably and feel calm...

1- Find the C below. Do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999
9999699999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999
9999999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999 9999999999999999

3- Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult..

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MNMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM

This is NOT a joke. (can't vouch for it!)
Apparently... If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist.
Your brain is great and you're far from having Alzheimer Disease.
Congratulations!
[from a fwd email]

India....Awake and Arise...before it is too late

by bjaypee @ 03. Dec 2008 – 13:46:38

Read this article with some 'deadly' photos here

INDIA, my beloved country….

Let us shake out of this deep slumber. What happened in Bombay on 26/27/28 November 2008 can happen any where in our country, if we do not arise and act.

What happened to those innocent travelers and bystanders in CST railway station, Nariman House and other places can happen to any of us. Death by default. Default of 'dictators' who go by the name of ministers but belonging to a common cannibal tribe called 'politicians'.

The same tribe who were playing the fiddles and fiddling their thumbs during the fire but had the temerity to call the families after the cremation of those who sacrificed their lives.

It is not only the politician who is corrupt…you and I are equally responsible.

It is not only the Shivraj Patels, Deshmuks, RR Patels, Baalus and Rajas who are morally and intelligently bankrupt but Sonia Gandhi, Sharad Pawar and Karunanidhi who put them in those positions are more responsible.

It is not only the delay of NSG reaching Bombay that cost more lives but the justification offered for that delay by NSG DG and Special Secretary that calls for action.

It is not only the ruthlessness of the terrorists but the stupidity of the chief of ATS Maharastra and his colleagues who went to the ‘battle field’ with just vintage bullet proof jackets that cost their lives.
It is not only those in charge of mortuaries who did not bother to cover the bodies of ordinary policemen lying unattended on the floor but the so called elite reporters of TV channels and photographers who did not let us see and hear the press conference of NSG DG properly, who need to be kicked.

Oh God, help us

After the Nariman House was cleared off the terrorists, when the crowds poured into that street where the house was located, did you notice the BJP MAHARAJA Gopinath Munde walking down with two young ladies and other chamchas..while the crowd was being controlled by ...hold your thoughts...not the police but BJP workers wearing yellow shirts and sticks in their hands...

Why is the most incompetent DGP Maharastra AN Roy not thrown out ?

Is it not time Western Naval Command Chief and the Coast Guard Chief being held responsible for 'sleeping in the sea waters' when the trawler and speed boat used by the 'ts' could reach Colaba coast ?

Should we not 'honour' the 'all in spotless white - including the juthi shoes-' CM VR Deshmuk who organised a conducted tour for himself, his two sons and a movie producer along with a lot of freeloaders of the devastated Taj Hotel with 'Bharat Ratna'?

Words of wisdom from a Comedian

by bjaypee @ 25. Oct 2008 – 02:11:08

A Message by George Carlin, comedian of 70s & 80s

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

[from the fwd email circuit]

Click the link to get.......Zeeeeebra

by bjaypee @ 20. Oct 2008 – 10:13:43

courtesy :www.mnartists.org/

Significance of 108

by bjaypee @ 19. Oct 2008 – 15:29:03

[Taken verbatum from mailerindia.com was sent to me as a forwarded email by a friend]

The Indian Subcontinent rosary or set of mantra counting has 108 beads. 108 has been a sacred number in the Indian Subcontinent for a very long time. This number is explained in many different ways.

The ancient Indians were excellent mathematicians and 108 may be the product of a precise mathematical operation (e.g. 1 power 1 x 2 power 2 x 3 power 3 = 108) which was thought to have special numerological significance.

Powers of 1, 2, and 3 in math: 1 to 1st power=1; 2 to 2nd power=4 (2x2); 3 to 3rd power=27 (3x3x3). 1x4x27=108

Sanskrit alphabet: There are 54 letters in the Sanskrit alphabet. Each has masculine and feminine, shiva and shakti. 54 times 2 is 108.

Sri Yantra: On the Sri Yantra there are marmas where three lines intersect, and there are 54 such intersections. Each intersections has masculine and feminine, shiva and shakti qualities. 54 x 2 equals 108. Thus, there are 108 points that define the Sri Yantra as well as the human body.

9 times 12: Both of these numbers have been said to have spiritual significance in many traditions. 9 times 12 is 108. Also, 1 plus 8 equals 9. That 9 times 12 equals 108.

Heart Chakra: The chakras are the intersections of energy lines, and there are said to be a total of 108 energy lines converging to form the heart chakra. One of them, sushumna leads to the crown chakra, and is said to be the path to Self-realization.

Marmas: Marmas or marmastanas are like energy intersections called chakras, except have fewer energy lines converging to form them. There are said to be 108 marmas in the subtle body.

Time: Some say there are 108 feelings, with 36 related to the past, 36 related to the present, and 36 related to the future.
Astrology: There are 12 constellations, and 9 arc segments called namshas or chandrakalas. 9 times 12 equals 108. Chandra is moon, and kalas are the divisions within a whole.

Planets and Houses: In astrology, there are 12 houses and 9 planets. 12 times 9 equals 108.

Gopis of Krishna: In the Krishna tradition, there were said to be 108 gopis or maid servants of Krishna.

1, 0, and 8: 1 stands for God or higher Truth, 0 stands for emptiness or completeness in spiritual practice, and 8 stands for infinity or eternity.

Sun and Earth: The diameter of the sun is 108 times the diameter of the Earth.

Numerical scale: The 1 of 108, and the 8 of 108, when added together equals 9, which is the number of the numerical scale, i.e. 1, 2, 3 ... 10, etc., where 0 is not a number.

Smaller divisions: The number 108 is divided, such as in half, third, quarter, or twelfth, so that some malas have 54, 36, 27, or 9 beads.
Islam: The number 108 is used in Islam to refer to God.

Jain: In the Jain religion, 108 are the combined virtues of five categories of holy ones, including 12, 8, 36, 25, and 27 virtues respectively.

Sikh: The Sikh tradition has a mala of 108 knots tied in a string of wool, rather than beads.

Chinese: The Chinese Buddhists and Taoists use a 108 bead mala, which is called su-chu, and has three dividing beads, so the mala is divided into three parts of 36 each.

Stages of the soul: Said that Atman, the human soul or center goes through 108 stages on the journey.

Meru: This is a larger bead, not part of the 108. It is not tied in the sequence of the other beads. It is the quiding bead, the one that marks the beginning and end of the mala.

Dance: There are 108 forms of dance in the Indian traditions.
Pythagorean: The nine is the limit of all numbers, all others existing and coming from the same. ie: 0 to 9 is all one needs to make up an infinite amount of numbers.

We have listed below 108 Upanishads as per the list contained in the Muktikopanishad . We have arranged them in four categories according to the particular Veda to which each of them belong.

Rigveda(10): Aitareya , Atmabodha, Kaushitaki, Mudgala, Nirvana, Nadabindu, Akshamaya, Tripura, Bahvruka, Saubhagyalakshmi.
Yajurveda(50): Katha, Taittiriya , Isavasya , Brihadaranyaka, Akshi, Ekakshara, Garbha, Prnagnihotra, Svetasvatara, Sariraka, Sukarahasya, Skanda, Sarvasara, Adhyatma, Niralamba, Paingala, Mantrika, Muktika, Subala, Avadhuta, Katharudra, Brahma, Jabala, Turiyatita, Paramahamsa, Bhikshuka, Yajnavalkya, Satyayani, Amrtanada, Amrtabindu, Kshurika, Tejobindu, Dhyanabindu, Brahmavidya, YogakundalinI, Yogatattva, Yogasikha, Varaha, Advayataraka, Trisikhibrahmana, mandalabrahmana, Hamsa, Kalisantaraaa, Narayana, Tarasara, Kalagnirudra, Dakshinamurti, Pancabrahma, Rudrahrdaya, SarasvatIrahasya.
SamaVeda(16): Kena, Chandogya, Mahat, Maitrayani, Vajrasuci, Savitri, Aruneya, Kundika, Maitreyi, Samnyasa, Jabaladarsana, Yogacudaman, Avyakta, Vasudevai, Jabali, Rudrakshajabala.
Atharvaveda(32): Prasna , Mandukya, Mundaka, Atma, Surya, Narada-Parivrajakas, Parabrahma, Paramahamsa-Parivrajakas, Pasupatha-Brahma, Mahavakya, Sandilya, Krishna, Garuda, Gopalatapani, Tripadavibhuti-mahnarayana, Dattatreya, Kaivalya, NrsimhatapanI, Ramatapani, Ramarahasya, HayagrIva, Atharvasikha, Atharvasira, Ganapati, Brhajjabala, Bhasmajabala, Sarabha, Annapurna, TripuratapanI, Devi, Bhavana, SIta.

From :http://mailerindia.com/slokas/mantras/index.php?signify108

The Mayonnaise Jar and two Beers

by bjaypee @ 14. Oct 2008 – 12:43:36

[When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the Mayonnaise jar and the two Beers - from the fwd email circuit].

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.They agreed that it was .

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar; he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced the two beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.Set your priorities.

'The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beers represented.

The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.'