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Posts archive for: February, 2008
  • Who said RACISM is dead ??

    95% of white males have at one point in their lives, experienced yellow fever. Many factors have contributed to this phenomenon such as guilt from head taxes, internment camps, dropping the Nuclear bomb and the Viet Nam War . This exchange works both ways as asian girls have a tendency to go for white guys. (White girls never go for asian guys. Bruce Lee and Paul Kariya’s dad are the only recorded instances in modern history). Asian girls often to do this to get back at their strict traditional fathers. There is also the option of dating black guys, but they know deep down that this would give their non-english speaking grandmother(s) a heart attack.

    from a blog called Stuff White People Like
    This blog is devoted to stuff that white people like

  • Women Power

    A fwd email doing the rounds

    Why Women Are Crabby ?


    photo from the net

    We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs. 
                                   
    Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
       

    Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about. 
       
                  
    Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
                           

    Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
         
     
         
    Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar.  Calm down and push.  Just one more good push (more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.
     

    After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
           

    Then come their "Teen Years."  Need I say more? 
           
                 
    When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
       

    So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
     

    Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
                       

    So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"?  Yeah right.  Bite me. 
        
      
                   

    Send this to seven bright women you know and make their day!!!  Or at least make them laugh a little.
     
    And send it to seven men you know who can take it.

  • Black - COLORED??

    A Poem by an African.... Nominated as Best Poem of 2005

    When I born, I Black

    When I grow up, I Black

    When I go in sun, I Black

    When I scared, I Black

    When I cold, I Black

    When I sick, I Black

    When I ill, I Black

    When I die, I still Black

    And you White fella

    When u born, u pink

    When u grow, u White

    When u go in sun, u Red

    When u scared, u Yellow

    When u cold, u Blue

    When u sick, u Green

    And when u die, u Grey

    And U calling Me C o l o r e d ?

    from the net

  • Thoughts worth thinking about....

    Thoughts to think about…..
      
    Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world. If you do so, you are insulting yourself

    You are not responsible for what people think about you but you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.
     
    Write your sad times in Sand; Write your Good times in Stone
    Behind every successful man, there is an untold pain in his heart

    Without your involvement you can't succeed. With your involvement you can't fail.

    Love your job but don't love your Company because you may not know when your company stops loving you


    You may get DELAYED to reach your Targets,
    But every step you take towards your target is EQUAL to Victory

    It's better to loose your Ego to the one you Love, than to loose the one you LOVE because of EGO.
    Don't make promises when you are in JOY. Don't reply when you are SAD.
    Don't take decisions when you are ANGRY. Think twice, Act wise. BE happy.

     
    When you start caring about yourself, you start loving somebody,
    But when you start caring about others somebody will start loving you

    What is the Secret of SUCCESS...? 'RIGHT DECISIONS'
    How do you make Right Decisions...? 'EXPERIENCE'
    How do you get Experience...? 'WRONG DECISIONS'
     
    from a forwaded mail
  • Love

    Swami Vivekananda on LOVE

    I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this:
    "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

    This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

    This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

    For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

    Give and don't expect.
    Advise, but don't order.
    Ask, but never demand.

    It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

    Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....

    Life is beautiful ! Live it !! Love it !!!

  • SLOW is STRESS FREE

    An interesting reflection: Slow Down Culture

    It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

    Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

    Said in another words:
    1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
    2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
    3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
    4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

    The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.

    Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

    Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!".

    This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

    It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

    In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

    Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

    Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalize world.

    recd as a fwd email

  • ooh...law....law

    Some Important Laws

    LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

    **

    LAW OF TELEPHONE : When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

    **

    LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

    **

    LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    **

    LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

    **

    BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    **

    LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

    **

    LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

    **

    LAW OF BIOMECHANICS : The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    **

    THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

    **

    LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    **

  • Drink and be Damn(ed) .... HAPPY !!


    "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
    I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
    About the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
    And dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
    Of work and their dreams would be shattered.
    Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
    Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

    ~ Jack Handy
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
    Wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
    Going to feel all day. "

    ~Frank Sinatra
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

    ~ Henny Youngman
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

    ~ Stephen Wright
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
    We fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
    When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
    Get drunk and go to heaven!"

    ~ Brian O'Rourke
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

    ~ Benjamin Franklin
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Without question, the greatest invention in the History of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the Wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does Not go nearly as well with pizza."

    ~ Dave Barry
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

    ~Dave Howell
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.

    One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

    Here's how it went:

    "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE READ THIS BEFORE...YOU HAVE BEEN ON A BINGE!?

  • One Liners (CUDOS to the KREATOR)

    Here are some nice one liners..:

    1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

    2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

    3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

    4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

    5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

    6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

    7. Born free, taxed to death.

    8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

    9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

    10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

    11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

    12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

    13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

    14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

    15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

    16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

    17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

    18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

    19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

    20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

    21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

    22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

    23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

    24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

    25. Someday is not a day of the week

  • Lawyer

    A young cowboy from Miles City, Montana goes off to
    college, but halfway through the semester he foolishly
    has squandered all of his money.

    He calls home. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe
    what modern education is developing. They actually
    have a program here in Bozeman that will teach our dog
    Ol' Blue how to talk."

    "That's amazing!" his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue
    in that program?"

    "Just send him down here with $2,000," the young
    cowboy says, "I'll get him in the course."

    So ... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

    About two-thirds through the semester, the money again
    runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue
    doing, son?" his father wants to know.

    "Aw esome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just
    won't believe this. They've had such good results
    with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how
    to read."

    "Read?!" exclaims his father. "No kidding! How do we
    get Ol' Blue in that program?"

    "Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class."

    The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a
    problem. At the end of the year, his father will find
    out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots
    the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year,
    his father is all excited.

    "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with
    him, and see him read something!"

    "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news.
    Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home,
    Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the
    recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he
    suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy
    still messing around with that little redhead barmaid
    at the Blue Sky Cafe and Tavern?'"

    The father groans and whispers, "I hope you shot that
    bastard before he talks to your Mother!"

    "I sure did, Dad!"

    "That's my boy!"

    The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

    from the fwd email circuit

  • never bet ON an old lady !

    Never bet ON or WITH an old lady.

    One day, an old lady went to the Bank of Canada with a large bag full of money. The old lady insisted to speak to the president of the Bank in order to open a savings account because, she said, she had a lot of money.

    After many discussions an employee took her along to the office of the president.

    The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.

    She answered him 165.000$, while putting the money on his desk.

    Curious, he asked her how she succeeded in saving such a lot of money.

    The old lady answered him that she made bets.

    The president quite surprised asked her: "Which kind of bets?"

    The old lady answered him: “For example, I bet you 25 000 $ that your testi---s are square".

    The president started to laugh and pointed out that this kind of bets was impossible to win!

    Then, the old lady replied: "Would like you to make this bet?"

    "Certainly, answered the president, I guarantee you 25.000$ that my testi---s are not square".

    The old lady thus said to him: "I agree. But given the importance of the implied sum, I will come back tomorrow at 10 AM with my lawyer as witness if you don’t see any inconvenience".

    "No problem“ said the president of the Bank very trustfully.

    That evening, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of his mirror examining his testi---s, turning them in all directions, again and again, in order to make sure that his damned testi---s could not be seen as square and therefore to be sure to win this bet. .

    On the next day, 10 AM sharp, the old lady arrived with her lawyer at the office of the president to confirm the bet of 25.000$ for the fact that his testi---s were square.

    The president confirmed that the bet was in agreement with the commitments taken the day before.

    The old lady thus asked him to drop his trousers, and the remainder, so that she and her lawyer can see everything; what the president kindly did. The old lady came then closer to see and asked him whether she could touch them or not.

    “Of course please do!", said the president to her, given the fact that there is so much money involved, you must be 100% sure.

    And the lady started to do so with a smile..

    The president realized that the lawyer was strucking his head against the wall.

    He asked the old lady why the lawyer was reacting like that.

    She answered: "It is probably due to the fact that I bet 100.000$ with him that, around 10 AM, I would be holding the testi---s of the president of the Bank of Canada in my hands!

    The origin of this Canadian story is unknown, but it brings luck to those who pass it on !!

  • NOT for DUMMIES !

    If you have read this earlier, does not matter, read again, you will enjoy it.

    Below are four  rapid fire questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. 
     
    You  have to  answer all of them immediately. OK?

    Let's find out just how clever you really are.... 

    Ready ...  Steady ... GO!!! 

    First Question: 

    You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
     
    Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake   the second person and you take his place, you are second! 

    Try not to screw up next time. 

     Now answer the second question, butdon't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?
     
     Second Question: 

     If you overtake the last person, then you are...? 
     

    (Scroll down) 
     
    Answer: If you answered that you are second to last then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? 

    You're not very good at this, are you? 

    Third Question: 
     
    Very tricky arithmetic!

    Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.OK?

    Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total? 
     

    (Scroll down for  the answer.....) 

    Did you get 5000?

    The correct answer is actually 4100.

    If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! 
     

    Today is definitely not your day, is it?

    Maybe you'll get the last question right....

    Maybe.

    Fourth Question:

    Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3.Nini,  4. Nono.

    What is the name of the fifth daughter?

    Did you Answer Nunu?

    Nooooooo ! Of course it isn't.

    Her name is Mary...... Read the question again!

    Okay, now the bonus round: 
     
    A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. 
     
    Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

    He just has to open his mouth and ask...dummy.
     
    ha...ha...ha

    It's really very simple....!

  • NO PAY RAISE

    For g r o w n u p s

    I, Mr.P, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

    I do physical labor.

    I work at great depths.

    I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

    I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

    I work in a damp environment.

    I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

    I work in high temperatures.

    My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

    Sincerely,

    Mr. P

    Asst.Manager (Production)

    The Response:

    Dear Mr.P,

    After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

    You do not work 8 hours straight.

    You fall asleep after brief work periods.

    You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

    You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

    You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

    You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

    You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

    You will retire well before you are 65.

    You are unable to work double shifts.

    You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

    Sincerely,

    Ms. V

    Head of HR

  • Driving IN 'style'

    Driving Styles ..

    One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.
    - Sydney

    One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
    - Japan

    One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...
    - Boston

    Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror
    - New York

    Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat
    - Italy

    One hand on horn,

    One hand on holding gear,

    One ear listening to loud music,

    One ear on cell phone,

    One foot on accelerator,

    One foot on clutch,

    Nothing on brake,

    Eyes on females in next car,

    - Welcome to INDIA!

  • Self Help in case of HEART ATTACK

    Let's say it's 6.15pm and you're driving home (alone of course) after an unusually hard day on the job.

    You're really tired, and frustrated……

    YOU ARE REALLY STRESSED AND UPSET ….

    Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw.

    You are only five miles from the hospital nearest your home.

    Unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far

    WHAT TO DO ???

    YOU HAVE BEEN TRAINED IN CPR, BUT THE GUY THAT CONDUCTED THE COURSE DID NOT TELL YOU HOW TO PERFORM IT ON YOURSELF !!!

    HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE?

    SINCE MANY PEOPLE ARE ALONE WHEN THEY SUFFER A HEART ATTACK, WITHOUT HELP, THE PERSON WHOSE HEART IS BEATING IMPROPERLY AND WHO BEGINS TO FEEL FAINT, HAS ONLY ABOUT 10 SECONDS LEFT BEFORE LOSING CONSCIOUS

    WHAT TO DO ??

    ANSWER:

    DO NOT PANIC, BUT START COUGHING REPEATEDLY AND VERY VIGOROUSLY.

    A DEEP BREATH SHOULD BE TAKEN BEFORE EACH COUGH, THE COUGH MUST BE DEEP AND PROLONGED, AS WHEN PRODUCING SPUTUM FROM DEEP INSIDE THE CHEST.

    A BREATH AND A COUGH MUST BE REPEATED ABOUT EVERY TWO SECONDS WITHOUT LET-UP UNTIL HELP ARRIVES, OR UNTIL THE HEART IS FELT TO BE BEATING NORMALLY AGAIN.

    DEEP BREATHS GET OXYGEN INTO THE LUNGS AND COUGHING MOVEMENTS SQUEEZE THE HEART AND KEEP THE BLOOD CIRCULATING. THE SQUEEZING PRESSURE ON THE HEART ALSO HELPS IT REGAIN NORMAL RHYTHM. IN THIS WAY, HEART ATTACK VICTIMS CAN GET TO A HOSPITAL.

    Published in the JOURNAL OF GENERAL HOSPITAL, ROCHESTER

  • F U K D.....!

    Have you noticed the window that pops out when you click 'write' to write a post in blog.co.uk ?

    Well, see for yourself .


  • R I P !

    One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written:

    'Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym'.

    In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself. The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.

    The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought: 'Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!'. One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul. There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself.

    There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

    'There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: it is YOU. You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself. Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life. 'The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself'

    Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses: be a winner, build yourself and your reality. It's the way you face Life that makes the difference

  • Prescription for the Pharmacist

    A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

    The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

    The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

    The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!

    They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

    The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

    The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

    fwd email circuit

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