Archive - From the heart

Posts archive for: January, 2009

Different Strokes

by bjaypee @ 16. Jan 2009 – 15:46:15

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for

Blood plasma.

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No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

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Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

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You burn more calories sleeping

than you do watching television.

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Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

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The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

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The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

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American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive

from each salad served in first-class.

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Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women,what does this tell you!)

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Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

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Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

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The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first ' Marlboro Man. '

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Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

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PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!

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The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

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It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...

but, not downstairs.

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A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

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Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6)feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

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Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal'.The second ?
William Jefferson Clinton (SURPRISED!?)

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And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

``~~~~`~~~~~~````````~~~~~~~`
recd as a fwd email
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- humour
Worth only $20 ?

by bjaypee @ 16. Jan 2009 – 15:40:36

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

" Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. You see, my backyard backs up to the parking lot of 'Lambeau Field'. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes and right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "some guys think I'm bluffing."

from fwd circuit
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- humour
Heart Attacks and Drinking Warm Water

by bjaypee @ 07. Jan 2009 – 01:51:03

Recd as a fwd email from a friend

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about Heart Attacks . The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.
Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack...
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting . Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line .
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.
A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.
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- health
- heart attack
Some more FWD jokes

by bjaypee @ 07. Jan 2009 – 01:41:12

BRA....G

A Jewish man walked into the Lingerie Department of Macy¹s in New York.

He tells the saleslady, 'I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size, 34B.'

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, 'What kind of bra?'

He repeated, 'A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish
bra, and that you would know what she wanted.'

'Ah, now I remember,' said the saleslady. 'We don't get as many requests
for those as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra,
or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra.'

Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked 'So, what are the
differences?'

The sales lady responded. 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic bra
supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the
Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright.'

He mused on that information for a minute and said,

' Hmm. I know I¹ll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?'

'Ah, the Jewish bra,' she replied ³makes mountains out of molehills.'

Which PARTY are you from ?

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too
many people and not enough refreshments.

She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know
how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the
brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand
up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

The He smiled and said

"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party".

BARRI....STAR

Barrister: What is your date of birth?
Plaintiff: July 15th
Barrister: What year?
Plaintiff: Every year

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Barrister: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
Plaintiff: Er, Gucci and Reeboks

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Barrister: This myasthemia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Plaintiff: Yes
Barrister: And in what way does it affect your memory?
Plaintiff: I forget
Barrister: You forget. Can you give me another example of something you've forgotten?

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Barrister: What was the first thing your husband said to you when you woke up on the morning in question?
Plaintiff: He said "where am I Cathy?"
Barrister: And why did that upset you?
Plaintiff: My name is Susan

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Barrister: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: Did you check for blood pressure?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: Did you check for breathing?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: So is it possible that the patient was alive when you performed the autopsy?
Plaintiff: No
Barrister: How can you be so sure doctor?
Plaintiff: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk
Barrister: But the patient could have still been alive nevertheless?
Plaintiff: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere
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- humour
- jokes